Earlier today, the Christian author and blogger Rachel Held Evans posted a short-but-insightful list of 11 things she, as a layperson, wished that we pastors said more often. I commented that I thought the list was fantastic, and a fellow commenter suggested making a companion list of 10 things pastors wish their congregations said more often.
This is my attempt at such a list, and it should not be construed as a direct criticism of my parish--indeed, some of these items are things they already say to me that I wish other churches would say more frequently to their pastors!
1. How can I be praying for you?
I do a lot of praying with people and for people while rarely asking for prayer in return. But I definitely need prayer in return, because I am not Super-Pastor. Some days, I barely even feel like an ordinary, un-super pastor, because on my own, I am simply a very, very weak man.
2. I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.
This is a direct copy-and-paste of Rachel's own #2 item, because it definitely fits for us as well. Pastors have to withstand a lot of second-guessing and--in unhealthier situations--ad hominem criticisms, but we are called to turn the other cheek rather than repaying meanness for meanness.
3. Enjoy your time away.
For pastors, vacation time is sacrosanct and vital to our well-being, but I have had to engage in educational efforts to show why my vacation time (of which I get four weeks per year) is so vital, so that I might stop being asked, "How come you get so much time off? I only see you once a week!"
4. Let's give it a try.
I think that while pastors may have a very hard time saying "no" to their congregants, congregations can be quite skilled at saying "no" to their pastor and their pastor's ideas. It doesn't even have to be a "yes"--just agreeing to give something the old college try is often enough.
5. Here's what I liked/didn't like about your sermon today...
Don't get me wrong, I'll take the "good sermon today, preacher" compliments. But you know why we love it when you engage us on the substance of what we said, even if you disagree with us? It shows that you were listening, and it reminds us that our preaching and teaching is valued by you.
6. How can I help?
A lot of our volunteers have set tasks that they do--and do well--at our church. And I love that--reliability is a huge gift in the church. But I also love it when someone comes to me, willing to help out wherever they can, because it shows they care about the church's needs, whatever they might be.
7. Is everything okay?
Part of serving a smaller congregation means that my congregants and I grow extremely familiar with one another, and many of them can tell if I didn't bring my A-game that day. Showing concern for me first--rather than reaching immediately for criticism--means an awful, awful lot to me.
8. Don't stop being yourself.
I am lucky to serve a church that not only doesn't mind that their pastor enjoys scotch, plays poker, and is a loudmouth Kansas City sports fan--they embrace it, even if a stereotypical pastor would not drink or gamble. Quite simply, I am affirmed for who I am. They affirm Eric, not just "Pastor Eric."
9. Whenever you can make it is fine.
Pastors get a lot of invites to a lot of family events in the church--and I love going to such events, but when my schedule begins to crowd up, please do not be offended if I am only able to make a token appearance, or am running late. It doesn't mean that I, or God, loves you any less.
10. Be not afraid!
I saved the biggest (for me) for last--quite simply, I am sometimes afraid to try things and risk either failing or upsetting church matriarchs/patriarchs. But risk is a necessary dimension of ministering in the name of Jesus Christ, and pastors today cannot afford to be risk-averse!
Those are just my top ten, written more or less off the top of my head, based on my own experience and on the experience of my friends and colleagues in ministry. What things do you wish your church would say more often to you (if you are a pastor) or to your pastor?
Yours in Christ,
Eric
Eric
I found this link in the comments of Rachel Held Evans list. As a pastor's kid, I found her list frustrating and became righteously indignant on behalf of my father. So thank you so much for writing a response! This list was wonderful, and embodies so much of what I have learned about being a member of a congregation from watching my father suffer from stress-related health problems, emotional and spiritual burn-out, and loneliness. So thank you for standing up for pastors in such a gracious, but firm way!
ReplyDeleteJenny--
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words! I am glad you this list and that it seemed to help put words to your own experience as a PK. I am praying for you and your dad with however his own stress and burnout as a pastor is affecting you.
FWIW, as a fairly recent (2011) graduate of seminary, I think newly-minted pastors are being taught and encouraged in new and better ways to take care of themselves and their families in order to stave off the burnout that so many of us suffer from. We are, I think, learning the lessons of those who have come before us to try to keep our vocation a healthy one, and I hope my optimism is well-placed on this one.
I would also add that I definitely empathize with your frustration in seeing a list of things people wish your dad (or any pastor, for that matter) should do better--it can feel like a list of demands, or worse, an outright ultimatum. Such attitudes drive the notion of church as something to be experienced like a customer rather than as a Christian. But my own experience with Rachel (in reading both her blog and her books) has been one of her gently keeping me honest and accountable by pointing out things that I (and other pastors) can always work on.
Thanks for commenting!
When I was chairman of the Elder Board I was constantly telling the pastors they needed more time off.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Tim
Tim--
ReplyDeleteWhen I became pastor of the congregation I currently serve, the contract their search committee presented me not only granted me four weeks vacation, but it did NOT include any mechanism for vacation time to carry over from year to year.
In other words--they wanted to make sure I went on vacation, too!
I know it's cliched, but seriously--a ministry can be so, so healthy when a church uses "do unto others" as their yardstick for how they treat their pastor.
Thanks for commenting!
11. Considering the priesthood of all believers, when are you going to allow time for Q&A, opposition and rebuttal, etc. during the Sunday morning service?
ReplyDeleteAlice ... we do that in my congregation ... lots of space for interaction throughout the service. So far it has been well received.
ReplyDelete